I'm not putting him through that again!
by C van Zyl
Summary: Based on CP Coulter's 'Dalton'. After Hell Night, Julian goes into a coma and when he wakes up he doesn't remember anything about the fire or his confession. Will Logan tell him that he knows about Jules' love for him? Or let him believe that Logan is still oblivious?
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER:**** I do not own anything related to Glee or 'Dalton' by CP Coulter. The first few lines are quotes taken directly from 'Dalton', chapter 26.**

Author's Note: Hi! First off: A BIG THANKS TO THOSE WHO LEFT A REVIEW FOR, READ OR FOLLOWED MY OTHER STORIES: YOU GUYS ARE SUPER COOL!

This story came from a thought I had while sitting at home and thinking about Jogan(you know, as one does…): _What would happen if Julian went into a coma and when he woke up he didn't remember anything about the fire or how he confessed his love to Logan? What would Logan do?_ It's the usual bit of angst and Jogan drama that I'm addicted to, so… please enjoy!

Oh! And I'm sorry if the medical stuff is seriously unrealistic, it's just a story and I'm not a doctor!

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CHAPTER 1

_"…I'm in love with you."_

_"I've been in love with you since we were freshmen!"_

_"-now that I've told you everything-can you please…for the love of God, Logan…forget everything I just said-and leave while you can!"_

Julian's words zoomed around my head as I stared unseeingly at the cold and sterile patch of hospital floor in front of the chair I had been sitting in, practically permanently, for the past few weeks. Many of us Stuart boys, but predominantly Derek and me, had claimed certain chairs in the waiting room for our personal use. Everyone just _knew_ not to sit in each other's chairs. My chair was the closest to the hallway and therefore to Jules' room. It made me closer to him and that was all I wanted. Julian's mother was still somehow restricting Julian's visiting hours but luckily she wasn't allowed to bar all of his friends from seeing him for at least half an hour each day, especially when we were pretty much camped out in the waiting room. We, or at least the other boys since I didn't really speak to anyone, had gotten to know the hospital staff really well and were on a first name basis with most of them. Out of natural instinct, my gaze lifted to the clock on the wall and I saw that it was four o'clock in the afternoon. Visiting hours for Jules.

Right on cue, Sarah, one of the nurses arrived, "You boys can go and see him.". I was out of my seat and rushing down the hall before she had even started speaking. I barged into Julian's room and pulled my chair (I had claimed this one too) as close to the bed as possible, said my usual greeting of, "Hey Jules." And was silent as the others filed in and respected the silence as I had previously demanded they do.

Julian had been pronounced comatose a couple of days after being first brought in after the fire. When he had first been brought in, the doctors thought he would be okay after a suitable amount of bed rest and the right medication. But then he hadn't woken up. And hadn't woken up. Until the doctors pronounced him comatose. They had said that if, and when, he woke up, they was a possibility of him having some brain damage. I hadn't listened to the details. All I was then and was still focussed on was the fact that Julian, Jules, my best friend of three years, my supposedly _straight_ best friend had told me that he was in love with me. Not just that he loved me. But he was _in love_ with me.

As I stared at his pale, thin but remarkably beautiful face all I could think of was _He's in love with me. He's in love with me. He's in love with me. He's in love with me._

It was just too unbelievable. Julian was my best friend. He had always stuck with me. Okay, he had had to leave to do filming and shit like that, but he had always come back. He was one of the only ones who could match me, who could put me in my place when need be. He understood me. And if things had been different I would have fallen in love with him like a shot. In fact when I had first met him, before we had even spoken, I remember my cocky, young-self thinking _Woah, hello! If he goes to this school then maybe it won't be so bad here after all._ Although I would never say it to anyone, it had actually been the reason I had spoken to him. I was a gay guy, though I had never acted on it with him; especially since I had thought him to be as straight as a ruler, and of course I found Julian hot. Very hot. But he had been straight and I had put the two second-long thought out of my head as just a bit of harmless fun. Something I had planned on joking about with Jules at some future time. Now, there was no way I could do that. Not with my thoughts so muddled up. And not with Julian lying in a fucking coma, perhaps on his way to death without a proper goodbye.

At that thought my eyes started to well with tears and although I had spent so much time crying lately, it took every ounce of my willpower not to let them spill in front of the other guys in the room. Sarah came into the room soon afterwards and reluctantly, she was definitely on our side with the whole reduction-of-visiting-hours debacle, told us that our half an hour was up.

Derek ordered me back to Dalton to shower and get some real sleep and after seeing Julian and facing the very real possibility that he may die once again, I put up no real fight and left.

I wished I had fucking stayed. Trust Julian to have the worst fucking timing ever.

* * *

"Derek, what's wrong!? Is Jules okay?!", I asked with worriedness as I jumped out of bed and gathered my keys and wallet, I had slept in my clothes for this exact reason, flew out Stuart House and towards my car.

"Logan! Get to the hospital ASAP!", he responded but left off the crucial information.

"IS HE OKAY?", I shouted in anger. If there was something wrong or _God forbid he had…_ I couldn't even finish the thought it was just too painful…

"He's _awake_!", Derek yelled. I hung up on him before he got another word in and sped off towards the hospital.

_He's awake!_

Not bothering to say anything to the crowd of people surrounding Julian's bed, I pushed roughly through them all, even Dolce, and flung myself at Julian.

"Logan…", his voice was raspy and weak.

"Julian… Oh God, I thought-", my voice hitched and I couldn't finish the sentence. I was crying but thankfully, my face was buried in his shoulder as I was still hugging him and no one noticed my muffled voice or tears.

When I finally pulled back I saw he was sitting up and looked alive but still gaunt-faced and exhausted. I didn't give a fuck. He was alive. He wasn't dead. Whatever was going to happen in the future didn't matter because in that moment I realised how much I cared about him. How much I loved him…wait. What? Loved? Oh shit.

My eyes widened at the realisation and I pulled further away when Derek spoke, "Logan, I need to speak to you…", I uncharacteristically didn't struggle as Derek pulled me through the small crowd and out of the room. I was pretty sure my face was white but Derek didn't seem to notice as he started to speak, "Lo… Julian doesn't, uh, remember some stuff.".

It took a while for me to process what he had said as I was still stuck on my realisation.

"Huh?", was all I managed. _I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him._

"He said he doesn't remember the fire.". _I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him._

"What are you talking about?". _I love him. I love him I love him. I love him. _

"When Julian woke up, one of us mentioned the fire and he looked confused and asked 'What fire?'. He hasn't been awake for long enough to ask him any proper questions and the doctors are too busy setting up loads of tests so I'm not exactly sure how much he remembers of the past. He knew who we were so he at least remembers starting at Dalton and meeting us but, we don't know how much else.". _I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him. _

"Logan! Are you listening?", _I love him. I love him. I love him. I love him._

Derek gave my shoulders a shake and I snapped out my thoughts long enough to ask, "What?".

"_JULIAN MIGHT NOT REMEMBER THAT HE LOVES YOU!_", he yelled. I listened this time.

"He...? Fuck.".

Was Derek seriously telling me that on the same day that I finally realised that I'm in love with Jules, he wakes up from his coma and might not remember that he loves me?

Irony was huge fucking bitch.

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A/N: So that's the first chapter, only one more after this. Please take a second to leave me a review and tell me what you think! Also, if you are willing to beta read for me, please PM me!- Cloey van Zyl:)


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER****: I do not own anything related to Glee or 'Dalton' by CP Coulter.**

A/N: Hello wonderful people, thanks so much for reading and for the review! This is the last chapter, um, can this be considered a two-shot? Not sure, anyway, hope you enjoy! I'm working on yet another Jogan story(I have so much love for them3) that should be up on pretty soon!

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CHAPTER 2

I got lucky. In hindsight, I got fucking lucky. If I hadn't gotten lucky I might had ended up with a life like that soppy movie _The Vow_. I might be gay but even I could guess that being part of a real life romantic drama like that was not fun.

Julian remembered that he loved me. He just didn't remember _telling_ me that he loved me. In fact he apparently remembered everything of Hell Night except for the fire. The doctors and his very vague memories told us that he was hit hard on the head or something by Adam in Stuart House right after Julian had taken me back to my room. He didn't remember anything past that point.

It caused a pretty big problem for the rest of us. Did we tell him about the fire… and about what he had told me… or not?

They had told him about the fire. If I had had a choice I wouldn't have. Just because I hadn't wanted him to go through the pain of it again. Of course he had needed to know, it wasn't logical to keep something like that from him. But then, love wasn't logical was it?

Yes, I had finally accepted it. I was in love with Julian. Deeply at that. No one knew. Some may have guessed, but Derek was the only one I had actually told. Not many people knew about Julian's confession in the first place. Only really myself, Kurt, Blaine, Reed and Derek. So we sat down one afternoon, Kurt had to force us into a locked room to get us to actually face the subject, and debated whether we should tell Julian about his confession.

"We should tell him. He can't just be locked out of his own past like that.", Blaine said.

Kurt disagreed with his boyfriend's logic, "But Julian felt so hurt having to tell him like that. Do we really want him to go through all of the embarrassment and pain of having the truth forced out like that again?".

I could feel them all awkwardly glancing at me, they _were_ discussing Julian's love for me. It had been horrible to watch, but it was possibly even more horrible to have to talk about it like this.

Surprisingly, quiet little Reed was the one who spoke next, "I think we should let Logan decide.", his voice was little more than a whisper but we all heard it. My eyes were pulled up in surprise from the spot I had been staring at.

He flushed slightly under everyone's stares.

"Reed's right.", Derek spoke, "Logan, you need to decide. You're the one Julian is in…you know.", he finished lamely.

I sat quietly, thinking, really wanting to beg the others to take responsibility for this, before, "Okay... I don't think we should tell him. Like Kurt said, it's not right to force him into the pain of that confession a second time. If he wants to…uh… tell me again…then that's his choice.".

Blaine looked unhappy, Kurt looked relieved, Reed looked frightened and Derek just looked thoughtful.

Once we had dispersed and headed back to our respective Houses, Derek finally told about what he had looked so thoughtful about.

"You should tell him, Lo.", he began.

"I said I'm not going to put him through all of that embarrassment and pain again.", I said, why did he want Julian to suffer more?

Derek shook his head, "Not about that. I mean you should tell him how you fell about him…that you're in love with him.".

I stared at Derek for a while and then stared out into the distance at nothing in particular for a while. I guessed it seemed like the logical thing to do right? We both loved each other, so we should be together. I should tell him and everything would be perfect. Right? What, then, was holding me back? Why did I hesitate before saying, "Not yet. I want to wait until he's out of the hospital first.".

Was this the truth? To a certain extent. Yeah, sure. If I told him, I wanted it to be in the best possible situation, not while he was recovering in a fucking hospital bed. Yeah, you read right: _if_. Not when. If.

If I was being honest, I was scared to tell him. I was scared of my feelings. This wasn't some random hot guy who I had just met. This was Jules. My best friend. I had been 'in love' three times in my life. Blaine. Joshua. Kurt.

Look at how fantastic those loves had been. I knew, and it took a lot strength to admit it even to myself, that I fell in love easily. And hard. And then I'd get super intense and jealous and protective and freak the person out and then they would run the other way and for a while I would chase because I so-called 'loved' them. In all three cases, the only outcome had been pain.

I didn't want that to happen to Julian. I didn't want to get his hopes up by declaring my so-called 'love' for him and then freak him out like the rest. I didn't want to hurt him again. I knew I had acknowledged that he was pretty much the only one who could match me in a fight and put up with all of my shit but I didn't want to take the chance. He had never been on the receiving end of my 'love'. He could handle a lot. But I don't think even _he_ could handle that.

Did I ever plan on telling Julian about my feelings? Fuck no. I wasn't going to lose Julian like that. He had been through enough, he did _not_ need my fucked up 'love'.

Derek left the matter at that and I was relieved. It was better this way. For everyone involved.

* * *

"Hey Lo, did you take your pills?", Julian's head popped around the door to my room in Stuart House as he opened it. I was in my room, just pulling on my blazer, getting ready for the new school day.

"No, don't need to.", I said, unconsciously smiling at his presence.

"Yes you do. If you didn't need them then you wouldn't have them, idiot.", he said, fully opening the door and flopping down on my bed.

"I don't need them. Trust me.", it was true, ever since I had made my discovery of my love for Jules, and he had gotten out of the hospital and his talk of still leaving Dalton had pretty much disappeared, I wasn't so angry anymore. I was smiling more, at least around him, I was unconsciously spending more time thinking about him, about how he was feeling and what he thought of things. I waited for him between classes and made sure that I sat next to him at every meal.

Derek called it the honeymoon stage, except it was only me on the honeymoon since I hadn't told Julian about my feelings.

Julian was oblivious. Just like I had been before. Funny how that worked out.

"What's wrong with you?", he asked looking at me from my bed with a strange look on his face.

Okay. Maybe not that oblivious.

"Uh, nothing?", I tried to act casually.

"Yes there is.", he got up off the bed and came to lay his hand on my forehead, checking my temperature, "There's definitely something wrong. You never get angry at me anymore. Not even just now when I called you an idiot.". His hand felt cool and wonderful. Was it weird that I was imagining leaning down to kiss him?

"Maybe I'm just trying to be nicer in general.", I suggested, trying to keep my thoughts away from kissing Julian.

"But Kurt told me that you threw a complete maniacal fit at Warbler's practice last week.".

Was it really my fault that I was feeling a _little_ bit upset because Julian had been at the hospital for two nights do have some tests done and I was worried about him being hurt or distressed? And maybe also because I was missing him a bit?

He came closer to me, staring into my eyes as if he could find some answer in them. I could feel my heart rate accelerate and my breath hitched a little at the close proximity of our lips. This was ridiculous. When had John Logan Wright III _ever_ acted like a love-struck little girl!? This was getting embarrassing!

Suddenly, he jerked back, eyes wide with fright. Oh fuck. What had I done?! I was freaking him out wasn't I? He was getting scared of me. I was too intense.

"I have to...uh… go.", he mumbled and raced out of the room.

I paced around, suddenly furious at myself. I was so stupid! Julian was frightened of me. Just like the others. He didn't want to be around me. Letting out a frustrated yell, I chucked a textbook across the room and it banged against the opposite wall. Maybe I needed those pills after all. If only to keep my emotions at bay. The emotions that were clearing freaking Jules out.

I spent the rest of the day in a haze. I hadn't been so emotionless for weeks. It felt like shit. Really awful fucking shit. If anything, it somehow made me feel _more_ angry. Which made me take more pills the next day. Which made me angrier. You understand how the cycle worked.

* * *

"Logan.", Derek said as he walked into my room while I was trying to finish my English essay.

"What do you want Derek?", I asked in a restrained voice. The haze was beginning to wear off as the day came to an end.

"You haven't told him.", he sat down on my bed and looked at me with an expectant expression.

"No I haven't.", I wasn't going to give him an explanation so I didn't know why he was even there.

"Well you had better.".

"Why?".

"Because he's… not doing so well. He's kind of freaking out.".

I banged my head on the desk as I let it fall. Of course he was freaking out. I knew this. Why did Derek have to come and blame me for it when I already knew that _it was my fault_.

"Lo?", he asked when he didn't receive an response.

I looked up at him and he seemed taken aback by something, maybe it was the clear look of desperation I had on my face or the fact that I was crying.

"I know-", I was battling hysterical sobs and couldn't seem to get the words out properly, "s'my fault! I- fre-feaked him out 'cuz of my- emotions.". I dissolved into my sobs and banged my head back onto the desk. Derek most definitely felt awkward as he walked over to me and gingerly patted me on the back, "Hey. Logan. Calm down. What are you talking about? Your emotions?".

I took a moment to compose myself sufficiently to glare up at him, "Yes! My emotions! I'm scaring him because I'm too intense and happy. Too unlike myself. He's scared just the others. Kurt, Blaine and Josh. They all got scared because I'm too emotional. And now Jules is scared too. He practically ran away from me last week.".

Derek rubbed the back of his neck, "Um. Dude, I'm sorry that you're so upset but Julian isn't upset because he's frightened of you. He's freaked out because he's in love with you.".

"He… really isn't scared of me? Are you positive?", I asked with a sparkle of hope. I hoped this didn't end badly.

" Yeah. He's definitely not scared of you. He just doesn't know what to do. You need to tell him that you love him because I think he might leave soon.".

At the words _leave soon_ I was pulled to attention, "WHAT? He can't leave. I need him!", I sprang up from my chair, "Where the hell is he?", I demanded of Derek.

"He's in his room. Go tell him!", he had to yell the last part because I was already out the door and marching down the hall. He couldn't leave. He couldn't be that selfish. I needed him and I was _not_ going to let him just leave. Not when I loved him.

"Julian!", I addressed him loudly as I barged into his room, not bothering to knock.

"Logan?", he looked up from his own homework and asked with a tremor in his voice, "Have you been...crying?", the second question had a lot of confusion in it. I wasn't a big crier.

"It doesn't matter.", I brushed the question aside with the usual disinterested tone when dealing with distractions from my goal, "I need to tell you something.".

His look of confusion deepened, "Okay… what is it?", he turned to watch me as I walked to and sat down on his bed.

"Before I tell you, I want you to know that I didn't tell you sooner because I didn't want you to have to deal with it again when it had caused you so much pain the first time and I know that it wasn't how you wanted it to happen, if at all.", he looked frightened now.

"During the fire… you were forced, by Adam, to tell me…about… well- that you were in love with me and have been since Freshman year.", I forced the last bit out quickly, hopefully it would be like ripping a bandage off.

"Wha-", he breath hitched and he looked down at his desk as I saw his face turn from white to red, "That's not possible…", he weakly tried to defend himself, still looking at his desk.

"I'm sorry Jules. But you can't leave. I know you're thinking of going. Derek told me.".

He looked up at me in surprise and anger, "Why would he tell you that!? He had _no right_! I can't-".

"Shut up Jules.", I cut him off. How was it that I was still thinking about kissing him when he was so angry? Or maybe I was thinking about it because it made him look extra hot.

"Wha-?", he tried to get out but I cut him off again. This time I didn't hold back. I kissed the annoying princess. And fuck, it was amazing! _He_ was amazing. I cupped his face in my hands when I pulled away, "I'm in love with you, Jules. And I've holding myself back from kissing you since you got out of the hospital.".

He smirked, "Well I guess I don't have to tell you how I feel because _apparently_ I've already told you.".

I gave a glare at him and moved in to kiss him again but he stopped me right before our lips met and murmured, "But, just to make sure you got the message: I love you.".

* * *

A/N: Okay. I think I'm going to stay _far_ away from Logan's POV because that ending was _not_ what I wanted… Oh, well. Sorry for making the characters OOC, I don't really like this mushy, sensitive Logan. He's supposedly to be blunt and angry and intense. This was just blah. Tell me what you guys thought, as you can see I don't mind constructive criticism! And also, I'm still on the search for a beta so if you wouldn't mind the job, please PM me!- Cloey van Zyl


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